Taking care of your children and giving
them your attention and love is your first priority.
But the closeness you want and deserve in
your relationship might be disappearing.
It’s tough to find “us time” when the kids demand so much attention.
Instead of feeling emotional connection, you might be feeling a growing resentment, frustration, or disappointment with your partner. You might feel they don’t really understand or value what you do. Or that they’re not doing their share. This can result in your feeling alone, angry, and hurt.
You may feel more like roommates than a couple.
Instead of enjoying physical connection and affection, there may be a growing space between you where that closeness used to be. The anger, disappointment, exhaustion, and lack of emotional connection can take away the desire to be close. Fun and intimacy give way to routine and feeling more like co-workers than romantic partners.
Talks about what’s missing and what needs to change might work- for a while.
You’ve probably tried to fix what you see as the root of the problems between you. It may be about practical things, like the division of labor or finances. Or an attempt to restore closeness and affection. But eventually, things return to their ‘default’ position. You can see the pattern but don’t know how to break out of it.
If any of this feels familiar,
we can help. Here’s how.
Start with “easy wins” that quickly improve your relationship.
In therapy for couples with young children, building cooperation and working out a few surface agreements can be a starting point, but it’s only that. The goal is meaningful and lasting change.
Rebuild your connection on a deeper level.
Along with your partner, we will identify the core patterns that have been blocking closeness and intimacy. You learn to step into each other’s world, building empathy, understanding, and appreciation. Together, you rebuild connection by understanding each other on a deeper level, which leads to wanting to respond differently. Deep caring, respect and compassion can arise – instead of surface changes that may not last. The wish to make your partner happy and make their life just a little bit better or easier starts to flow both ways.
Rewrite old patterns to make everyday life more pleasurable.
To make these changes stable, you build new skills to bring into your daily life. That way, you don’t default to the old patterns. And even if you do, you’ll know how to use those moments to connect and understand each other even better.
Rediscover the power of working together in a partnership
With that foundation in place, it becomes easier and simpler to solve problems together. You learn what’s important to each other and why. You respond differently to each other’s wishes and needs and are happier for it. And as the walls between you are systematically un-done, emotional and physical contact can naturally flow.
Have the relationship you want your kids to see and grow up with.
The demands of daily life, the ‘grind,’ and the challenges will still be there. The difference is that once you feel you’re truly in it together, it can feel lighter. The joy and satisfaction of being with your children together comes through. They learn what a good relationship looks like and benefit from your closeness as a couple and as parents. And you know that, despite the challenges, you can handle together whatever life throws at you and stay close and connected.